Monday, August 15, 2022
Tuesday, August 15, 2017
Friday, January 27, 2012
a breakdown is imminent
for the last 45 i have been laying in bed, tears literally streaming down my face as i attempt, and fail, to sleep. i pulled something in my back so it's incredibly difficult to get comfortable without being in pain. then once i finally do get comfortable i start coughing so hard i'm close to throwing up. this is just ridiculous now. my only savior is if i somehow cry myself to sleep. i think i'm gonna go home this weekend. i can't deal on my own.
Labels:
ughhhhhhh
Thursday, December 22, 2011
yeeeeeeah
i've hit that point where i want to throw up. just. i hate myself a little bit.
in other news this is why i don't tell people things. fun.
in other news this is why i don't tell people things. fun.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
ugly feelings and thoughts
i found myself lately having ugly feelings and thoughts
and i remember that i was not always this pleasant, i think
that this is something i have to work at every day, everyone does
i've been such a happy person for so much of my time for so long that i forgot what it's like to be consumed by an ugly feeling
it's not fun
it's not nice
it's not something i want to continue
but then i appreciate its existence, i remember how amazing it is that it only comes once in a while
when something's worth it
although not justified
if that makes sense
good night.
and i remember that i was not always this pleasant, i think
that this is something i have to work at every day, everyone does
i've been such a happy person for so much of my time for so long that i forgot what it's like to be consumed by an ugly feeling
it's not fun
it's not nice
it's not something i want to continue
but then i appreciate its existence, i remember how amazing it is that it only comes once in a while
when something's worth it
although not justified
if that makes sense
good night.
Labels:
ramblings
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
Friday, August 19, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
weird.
i feel empty.
it's been a weird day, and not for any particular reason. which makes it even worse in my opinion. i can't pinpoint why i feel empty and know it will go away soon. it's just looming.
it's been a weird day, and not for any particular reason. which makes it even worse in my opinion. i can't pinpoint why i feel empty and know it will go away soon. it's just looming.
Labels:
weird shit
Monday, April 18, 2011
nightmares?
i had a dream today. i took a nap and i had a dream. i got knocked up by one of my friends from college. but i didn't know i was pregnant? my friend maritza was going around telling all of our friends about how happy she was and how we were gonna have a party, but only 20-30 people. small, by her standards. she runs around with an enthusiasm i obviously don't share. she leaves the apartment to go god knows where and i sit at the kitchen table with my friends anabel and brenda and say "i don't remember taking a test". anabel says something like she remembers. she was with me or maritza was. something along those lines. but i automatically know who the father is, but i don't remember the fun in getting pregnant. so that sucks. anabel starts asking me if i'm gonna finish up school after i have the baby and i start thinking "wait, am i having this baby? i can't get an abortion?" then somehow i think that i'm about 3 months along, not sure if that's too late. then i start holding my stomach like pregnant women do. i start feeling sick. then i wake up.
another baby dream where i don't remember having the kid/getting pregnant.
weird.
another baby dream where i don't remember having the kid/getting pregnant.
weird.
Labels:
baby making,
freaky dreams
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