The dream story.

About a week or two ago I was having a conversation with two of my friends where one of them was telling me about a dream they had. As she was telling me about her dream I realized that whenever these girls tell me about the dreams they have, they are, dare I say it, happy dreams. They are dreams where the girls get everything they've been wanting lately. Started crushing on a boy lately? Hook up with him in a dream. Been wanting to go to Disneyland? Ride Space Mountain in your dreams.

So I interrupted this dream telling and said "WAIT. Do you guys have dreams where you get EVERYTHING you want?" I asked this very incredulously. I had never heard of people having dreams where they get everything they want, or if I did I chose to ignore them because it saddens me. Then they answered "Well, yeah." I was kinda surprised. I mean, I thought that's what daydreams are for. You have control over those. I always get what I want in daydreams, but in real dreams? Never. I told them "You don't have dreams where you kinda get what you want, but it's half-assed and something always screws it up?" And they're like "Uh...no." I thought it over to myself and I was like, is it just me? Am I that screwed up? So I said out loud, not thinking, "Oh, it's probably cos I'm self-destructive. I even fuck up my dreams." They kinda laughed at me at my semi-serious remark. I don't think they really understood what I meant. I think they associate self-destruction with space movies. Like, when you press the wrong button on a space craft and a soothing female voice tells you "Spacecraft will self destruct in 5...4..." (Seriously, why would you have that button?!)

The truth is, I had never had a dream where I got what I want. I remember when I was severely obsessed with Edward Cullen I finally had a dream about him months later and all I got to do was watch him make out with Bella. Even my dream self was like "REALLY? It's MY dream and I have to watch him make out with BELLA?!" It was actually pretty sad.

So last Friday I was at home listening to Death Cab at 2 in the morning. Let's just say that listening to Death Cab alone in the dead of night isn't the most motivating thing to do. I somewhat fell into a slump and might have cried a little. (I mean, have you seen the animated video for "Grapevine Fires"?! It's DEPRESSING) So I went to sleep and...I dreamt that I got what I wanted. I got it and I kept quiet the entire time because even dream self knew that if I talked I would fuck it up. (Dream self took a note from real self. DON'T BE SELF DESTRUCTIVE IN DREAMS) I got what I wanted and it was sweet. Also, it was PG. I know where your pervy minds are going.

Then I realized why I should be self destructive in dreams. It hurt too much when I woke up.