i don't want to bug.

sometimes i feel like the friend who you hang out with when your first choice bails/is busy. i only feel like that towards one person right now and it drives me CRAZY. I GET UPSET AND WEIRD SO I PUSH MYSELF ON THEM EVEN MORE WHICH WILL THUS MAKE HIM/HER NOT WANT TO HANG OUT WITH ME EVEN MORE.

sigh.

Simnala!

Lauren went home today. She stayed with me this weekend and I don't know, it was just so effortless. She walked in and I kinda felt like she belonged here, like we'd been living together forever. Sigh. I miss her. I also miss Nicole who lives super close but I don't see her too often. This weekend has been amazing and I can't wait for many more to come.

Also, we all went to Borders and I bought three books to fuel my 75 books challenge. Right now I'm reading Go Ask Alice cos surprisingly, I've never read it. Go me! Suggestions are appreciated because I will actually go out and buy them this time, yay!

Mmmm food.

I randomly biked to my friends house where we had a spontaneous sit down 5 course dinner. It was lovely.<3

<3

One of my best friends randomly showed up on my front porch with boba and a hug for me this afternoon. God I love him.

Wheeee.

Friends make everything better. Let's go swimming!

And so it seems that you've grown up and over me...

...and it's these silly things I like to dwell on.

I think it's amazing how Rilo Kiley has a lyric to describe every part of my life, basically. Lately I've been thinking about all the good friends that I've drifted from and it's making me sad. I try so hard to keep in touch with my friends, I can think of the countless times I've called or tried to somehow hang out or keep in touch and it's always bigger on my side. It's like a relationship where you feel like you like the other person WAY more than they like you. So I think, I did everything I'm supposed to do right? So why aren't we friends anymore? And then I start obsessing and think that they hate me. I think "Oh man, they must have gotten to know me and don't like me anymore. They don't like me once they get to know me." I don't know if it's true but when there's no one there to tell you otherwise it seems to be the only answer. I never vocalize it to these people though, cos well, they don't want to talk to me obviously. Occasionally it occurs to me that they might be extremely busy, but I always quickly pass over the option cos everything's always MY fault, right?

Sorry I'm being bitchy, I should be so grateful for the many friendships I do have, they are my world and I couldn't love them any more, my heart would probably explode.<333

P.S. I love Shelana and she makes all my frowns turn upside down.
P.P.S. I just watched Carrie get broken up with by a post-it and realize my life doesn't suck so much.

I don't think I've ever been this happy.

So far, I've had the best fucking Valentine's Day of my life and it did not involve boyfriends or girlfriends, just friends. God, I fucking love them.

Tomorrow's Valentine's Day.

I don't ever do anything on Valentine's Day. I don't ever get anything (unless from my family and friends). I usually just treat it like another day except people are lugging around a life-size teddy bear and a botanical garden. I don't think I've ever even had a Valentine on Valentine's Day. However, since it is late start tomorrow (I go into school at 9:30), four of my best friends (the lunch car therapy crew) and I are going out to eat for breakfast. Yummy. I must love them so damn much to get up way before I have to. (I missed a trip to the mall on Monday because I don't get up before 12.) Hope ya'll have a good one! Leave the love.

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