Dear haters,

who like to say that Edward Cullen has no fucking personality, GO FUCKING READ MIDNIGHT SUN. I'm so sick of everyone saying that, but if you read Midnight Sun you realize he has more personality in his pinky than Bella freakin' Swan has in her whole body. No, it's not because I'm jealous of Bella or anything (although I am), I really mean it. I always thought she was a bit, um, of a flatline? I was just lucky to see Edward through her. Edward is ridiculously funny, a bit of 40-year old mom (growing up cullen, ftw), and so tormented it sucks. Too bad he keeps it all to himself or people would realize what Team Edward is all about. (Note: I love Jacob too.)
I'm just a little bitter.

Love,
Nicole
P.S. Chagrin.

I'm such a fucking masochist.

Or maybe a sadist. So I'm reading Midnight Sun, and I decided to re-read chapter 1. Edward is planning all the ways he can kill Bella and about 20 other people. Who gets into the head of a guy planning to kill people and think IT'S SO FUCKING HOT? Like, I wish I was Bella, if he killed her. I wouldn't mind dying that way. I want his teeth to pierce through my neck. DEAR GOD, IT'S HOT.

Excerpts (Warning: may cause um...):

"Some would hear...and I'd be forced to kill even more innocents in this black hour.
And her blood would cool while I murdered the others."

"The monster in my head smiled in anticipation."

"Even if she had time to scream, which she would not, there would be no one to hear."

"And when I had her alone, there would be no chance of anyone else getting hurt. And no reason to rush through the experience, the monster in my head agreed."

So am I a sick son of a bitch, or what?

HOLY CRAP BALLS.

I swear to God those were the first words I thought when I woke up this morning. TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT. I SWEAR TO GOD I'M HYPERVENTILATING. I'M GONNA PEE MY PANTS.

WHAT IS MAKING MY LIFE AMAZING RIGHT NOW.

AHHHHHHHHHH.
I swear, I adore that whole cast to pieces. Edward and Bella laying in the field is so hot. Jasper is also hot. "I don't know, they have brooms." HAHAHA. Emmett is adorable. SIGH. When I was watching it, I felt like my heart jumped out of my chest, the love is so overwhelming.
Well, I should go lie down or something, I have to wake up early to go to Santa Barbara tomorrow, I'm at my cousin's house at the moment. It's so exciting to go visit the place you're gonna be living for the next four years. I can't wait!

Le sigh.

My sickness is over. It was surprisingly quick, but I just re-read Eclipse and have different kinds of aches. I'm so stupid.

Rejection.

I didn't get into Berkeley. Fuck Berkeley. Hahah, bitter much? Except Shey is so excited cos that means I'm going to UCSB and I'll be a lot closer and she can come visit. Hahahah. It's okay, Edward is making everything better. Kind of. Except for his whole nonexistance. Kinda sucks.

P.S. I am very upset that the labels rearrange themselves into alphabetical order so that Berkeley goes before Edward Cullen. That is so not the order of their importance in my life, even if I HAD gotten into Berkeley. Har, har? I think I'm kidding? I need mental help? Yes, I believe so.

Eat you up.

I love all these new pictures from the Twilight filming. I swear to God looking at that man makes me forget how to breathe. I feel like Bella except for the whole I don't get to have him part.

I am sure.

Thank god for my Deanna Soulmate! She's just as obsessed as I am! We spent ten minutes talking about Bella's truck!!!

Stupid shiny volvo owner!

Tell my heart to stop yearning and hurting. Le sigh.

I love looking like drag.

GOOD drag at least. So for my birthday, Rocky Horror at midnight is SO ON. YEAH. Also, Edward FTW. I think I just want to swoon over him on every post.

Ew.

My stage make-up looks very drag. And not the good looking drag either, ugh. I'm going to build my rehab center soon. I'm sure it will just be me and my friends never really getting over our fictional problems but just fighting between Jacob and Edward. (Btw, Edward TOTALLY WINS ALL, ALL THE TIME.)