so this is it.

i don't know why this hurts as much as it does.
i hardly get to see him as it is, a few visits here and there when i go home. but still. besocke is, and always has been, one of my favourite persons in the world. when i was in high school we had this weird, special bond. a relationship that was part friend, part teacher-student, part something else i can't put my finger on. i also used to get some shit from people that he favoured me and semi-jokes that we had a romantic relationship (we did not). this always angered me, that a student and a teacher couldn't be friends without something more implied. that's there always something sordid behind what they see.
so, he's moving away. to conneticut, no less. it shouldn't hurt as much as it does. i am very much used to long-distance relationships with friends. e-mail, skype, and phone calls are an integral part in many of my friendships. it's how i met a lot of my friends. many of them live across the country. but when you're so used to having someone there, a physical tangible person, and now they're being whittled down to a skype call, it hurts. i'm not saying it's less meaningful or that real, meaningful relationships cannot be maintained that way (i have disproven this), it just hurts to have to make that change. to think of going back to the high school and him not being there is physically painful. his is the first room i visit, the first person i think of to see. to think of that room occupied by a stranger somewhat makes me sick. to visit deserted grounds inhabited by a ghost. i should man up and get over it. it's not a decision about me. his existence in life isn't just to be where i think he should be, doing what i think he should be doing. i am actually extremely happy for him. he's been pursuing many jobs since i've known him, looking for a better opportunity and he deserves it so much. once i get over the initial shock and get used to the idea, i'm sure all i will feel is happiness for him, and a sense of missing. but for now i'm just consumed with anger and sadness. i know the anger is not warranted, and i would never let him know i'm angry at him for leaving (i think), but it's just a stage. the sadness will subside and just be replaced with that dullness i am so accustomed to that accompanies missing someone. i live with it every day.
it doesn't help that the first part of deathly hallows comes out this thursday. which is like nailing the coffin on my childhood and this phenomenon. after these two movies the fandom will live on, but never in the same way. there will never be this anticipation for a new book or film. midnight gatherings and film premieres. i feel like the 7th book came out yesterday. that i held it in my hands for the first time and realized this was it. so many people don't understand the impact of harry potter on the fandom, the fandom which i am so grateful for. i sit around and wonder if other people have things like harry potter that have completely and utterly changed and consumed their lives for so long they don't know what their life would be without it. i don't mean trekkies, or other fandoms, but just regular people. i have no idea who i would be today, what i would be like, and who i would be friends with. i say this in complete confidence and honesty. it has literally influenced all aspects of my life.
so this is apparently a week of goodbyes, even if one is only beginning and the other hopefully more of a "so long". but it hurts, it really does.

HP VS. Twilight once again.

I love how Twilight is trying to nudge its way into my heart. (My little nudger, get it Twilighters? Get it?) Twilight is like "Hey! Harry Potter is being a real dick to you cos the movie is now 11 months away instead of three! But guess what? WE love you, and will move the movie three weeks closer for you. Cos we love you. Love."

"Now for the good news! Though we're all sad to have to wait for Harry Potter, this open spot at the theater creates a cool opportunity. The good people at Summit were thrilled to let me know that now Twilight fans are going to get their movie three weeks earlier than scheduled. That's right—Twilight will be released in theaters November 21st! Let the merry-making commence!"

Stolen from Stephenie's site.

I'M FUCKING ECSTATIC.

Happy birthday!

Happy birthday to the boy wizard and magnificent author who have forever changed my life. If only you knew how much they have changed my life, all for the better. You cannot even begin to imagine.

Happy birthday Harry James Potter and Jo Rowling.<3

You ain't gettin your hands on my virtue, ho.

Last night I had this strong urge to read Twilight even though I was in the midst of reading Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. Somehow, and don't ask me cos I have no fucking clue how I did it, I talked myself out of picking up Twilight. I talked out loud to myself and said "No, it's unhealthy and you can't do that to Harry when he's been there for you for 10 years. You just can't." I have problems, don't I?

Which does NOT sound delicious.

Who spends their Saturday nights reading Harry Potter?
Oh right, I do.

I also watch Ratatouille on repeat like it's my job. Somebody needs to give me something productive to do.

The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death.

It's kind of disgusting how much I play the Harry Potter trivia game on Facebook. You have no idea how great a procrastination tool it is. I never do anything productive these day because I always want to get to the next level, I'm currently a Greater God. The questions are fairly easy, especially if you've read the entire series multiple times and have an obsession far and beyond as much as I do. I'm actually reading Deathly Hallows right now, and that also cuts away at my productivity. However, I think any time spent reading Harry Potter is productive. Maybe I'll go to bed before 1, or maybe I'll just read...

Let me translate...

Goblet of Fire on ABC is a sign from God that I'm supposed to marry Robert Pattinson. The end.

year in review!

since there has been a definite lackage of blanks in review this year, (coughsheycough), i decided to do a year in review yaaaaay.

friend of the year:

my old i-pod, sexy sadie. for somehow being reliable through our abusive relationship and being the best thing ever, basically.

man of the year that i'd like to...:

john krasinski, because not only is he perfect on screen as jim, he is the best thing ever in real life.

honourable mentions:
rupert grint, michael cera, and jim sturgess

girl of the year that i'd go gay for...:

jenny lewis. seriously, she's such a fucking rockstar and i love her voice.

honourable mentions:
tegan and/or sara, helena bonham carter, amanda palmer

events of the year:
5) seeing of montreal in concert for the first time with the best people ever.
4) every 15 minutes, because it was literally a life changing experience.
3) being on winter formal court with my best friend david, it was so much fun!
2) finishing college applications (getting accepted into five UCs without applying)
1) the 7th harry potter book release (reading it for the first time)!!! it was made of so much win.

honourable mentions:
order of the phoenix, rehearsals (the cast party), and trips to disneyland.

viral videos of the year:

5) kanye's meltdown


4) pluto attacks a kid at disneyland.


3) the hipster olympics are so ironic.


2) no direction, period.


1) the landlord.


albums:

10) sondre lerche-phantom punch

9) the pierces- thirteen tales of love and revenge

8) spoon- ga ga ga ga

7) bright eyes-cassadaga

6) tegan and sara- the con

5) across the universe soundtrack. beatles covers that finally manage to do a couple decently!

4) rufus wainwright-release the stars. no rufus's best, but even at his worst he is genius.

3) copeland-dressed up & in line. lord am i in love with this album! even better than beneath medicine tree! chin up is amazing.

2) rilo kiley-under the blacklight. i totally loved this album on a different level than everyone. not as a rilo kiley fan looking for old rilo kiley, but as a person who is glad mainstream is going somewhere different and wants to have a good time getting there!

1) of montreal-hissing fauna, are you the destroyer? okay, i love of montreal with all my heart, but i'll admit it. when this came out in january, i was hesitant to already proclaim it the best album of the year, thinking the next 11 months would have something to prove to me, but it didn't. it is still the best album, still fresh and enjoyable nearly a year later. with its irresistable beats and somber lyrics, this combination can't be beat.

songs of the year not on the previous albums:
5) song to bobby-cat power
4) anyone else but you-as done by michael cera and ellen page
3) i don't want to dance anymore-nightmare of you
2) now, now-st. vincent
1) 1234- feist

movies of the year:
can i just skip to number one?
i had to wait till december for it, but here it is!

juno. i hardly went to see any films this year, but i could NOT wait to see juno for some reason. it was really amazing, witty and indie without self-awareness that it was witty and indie. you fall in love with the characters, who admittedly at first seem annoying (juno at the gas station and on the front lawn anyone?) and manage to tell every character's story while still focusing on juno, absolutely brilliant.

xkcd comic of the year:


runner-up:
here

icons of the year:
5)
4)
3)
2)
1)
sooooooo much win.

the best thing i read this year besides deathly hallows:
hilarious.

what i realized the most this year:


thanks for an amazing year! come back next year when i've started college! oOOoOOooO!