sometimes i feel like the friend who you hang out with when your first choice bails/is busy. i only feel like that towards one person right now and it drives me CRAZY. I GET UPSET AND WEIRD SO I PUSH MYSELF ON THEM EVEN MORE WHICH WILL THUS MAKE HIM/HER NOT WANT TO HANG OUT WITH ME EVEN MORE.
sigh.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Friday, August 7, 2009
dreeeeeeeeeeams.
i had a dream last night, that i moved into an apartment for school.
but i moved in with anabel, a guy i had never met and a bitchy girl i had never met.
the guy was totally into me but nothing happened for the one day (?) i was there.
then i went home for the weekend and one of my friends who is a girl confessed her feelings for me. um. what?
and then the guy showed up at my house to hang out.
and thus my dream ended.
oh! oh!
i also had another dream the other night that i was getting married.
i was getting married in a half hour at disneyland but i was still getting ready at my house.
i don't really remember putting on a white dress or anything like that.
anyway i don't remember the guy i was going to marry except that he was a black guy.
seriously, that's all i remember.
the problem was i kept talking about how i shouldn't go through with it because i'm still in love with taylor (lautner). hahaha, oh dreams. you slay me.
my dreams have become entertaining, like watching and living television while i'm asleep.
but i moved in with anabel, a guy i had never met and a bitchy girl i had never met.
the guy was totally into me but nothing happened for the one day (?) i was there.
then i went home for the weekend and one of my friends who is a girl confessed her feelings for me. um. what?
and then the guy showed up at my house to hang out.
and thus my dream ended.
oh! oh!
i also had another dream the other night that i was getting married.
i was getting married in a half hour at disneyland but i was still getting ready at my house.
i don't really remember putting on a white dress or anything like that.
anyway i don't remember the guy i was going to marry except that he was a black guy.
seriously, that's all i remember.
the problem was i kept talking about how i shouldn't go through with it because i'm still in love with taylor (lautner). hahaha, oh dreams. you slay me.
my dreams have become entertaining, like watching and living television while i'm asleep.
Monday, July 27, 2009
not a gum-approved blog.
whenever someone asks me "so what have you been doing this summer?"
i want to say "jacking off" with a deadpan stare.
but that's not very appropriate now, is it?
i want to say "jacking off" with a deadpan stare.
but that's not very appropriate now, is it?
Monday, July 20, 2009
a blog about blogging.
right. so. a blog.
this is going to be a pretty long one, gathering what i can from what my brain wants me to write. so unless you feel a personal interest in my livelihood or want some back story on me because i'm going to be a character in your book, you shouldn't feel like this is a mandatory blog (oh wait, liz IS making me a character in her book, this one's for you liz).
see, the problem with me is that when i get passionate about something or get the inspiration to write about something, i get it in the most inconvenient places. over the course of a few weeks i've compiled a short list in my brain of things i want to write or talk about. i'm sure i've forgotten some of them, my brain isn't the best over the course of a few weeks. i tend to get inspiration in restaurants, the shower, or while listening to amanda palmer in a car. these are all things where i'm not in the position to drop whatever i'm doing and run to the computer or a piece of paper. even as i finally sit down to write this blog, i wrote out most of it in my brain in the shower. however, the trek between the shower and the computer becomes a race of brain and body to get to the computer and write this all down before i forget. before i forget the perfectly formed sentences in my head that convey everything i'm feeling. in between the shower and writing this, i stood half-naked in my room searching for a shirt. frantically, i searched. the more frantic i am, the less likely something will happen quickly. i wanted to get here. i wanted to write this. then i get to my computer. and it decides to shut off. twice. it also decides to run a disk check and turn my stomach into knots. then about five sentences ago, my grandpa pounds furiously on the door, breaking my rhythm only to say good night. but i'm not mad at him, i love that he says good night. but it becomes maddening. it becomes maddening to know that every second someone or something is stealing my thoughts and my words while i try to fill in the rest of my life. while i do mundane things like putting on a shirt. i'm sure i wrote more in my head while i was in the shower, but in this mad dash i'm sure i've lost a good 30% in the rush to get here. and while all i wanted to do was write about harry potter, amanda fucking palmer, the internet, or my friends, this quickly became a blog about writing a blog.
determinedly yours,
nicole
this is going to be a pretty long one, gathering what i can from what my brain wants me to write. so unless you feel a personal interest in my livelihood or want some back story on me because i'm going to be a character in your book, you shouldn't feel like this is a mandatory blog (oh wait, liz IS making me a character in her book, this one's for you liz).
see, the problem with me is that when i get passionate about something or get the inspiration to write about something, i get it in the most inconvenient places. over the course of a few weeks i've compiled a short list in my brain of things i want to write or talk about. i'm sure i've forgotten some of them, my brain isn't the best over the course of a few weeks. i tend to get inspiration in restaurants, the shower, or while listening to amanda palmer in a car. these are all things where i'm not in the position to drop whatever i'm doing and run to the computer or a piece of paper. even as i finally sit down to write this blog, i wrote out most of it in my brain in the shower. however, the trek between the shower and the computer becomes a race of brain and body to get to the computer and write this all down before i forget. before i forget the perfectly formed sentences in my head that convey everything i'm feeling. in between the shower and writing this, i stood half-naked in my room searching for a shirt. frantically, i searched. the more frantic i am, the less likely something will happen quickly. i wanted to get here. i wanted to write this. then i get to my computer. and it decides to shut off. twice. it also decides to run a disk check and turn my stomach into knots. then about five sentences ago, my grandpa pounds furiously on the door, breaking my rhythm only to say good night. but i'm not mad at him, i love that he says good night. but it becomes maddening. it becomes maddening to know that every second someone or something is stealing my thoughts and my words while i try to fill in the rest of my life. while i do mundane things like putting on a shirt. i'm sure i wrote more in my head while i was in the shower, but in this mad dash i'm sure i've lost a good 30% in the rush to get here. and while all i wanted to do was write about harry potter, amanda fucking palmer, the internet, or my friends, this quickly became a blog about writing a blog.
determinedly yours,
nicole
Friday, July 17, 2009
things i need to blog about:
don't mind me, this is just a reminder.
1. what the internet means to me.
2. afp vs. lady gaga
3. the song "good day"
4. harry potter and my anger management
this is a burgeoning list.
1. what the internet means to me.
2. afp vs. lady gaga
3. the song "good day"
4. harry potter and my anger management
this is a burgeoning list.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
a concert in a blog.
it's 6 a.m. i haven't slept. so i'm blogging.
every once in a while i feel compelled to write about the experience that was the jenny owen youngs/amanda palmer show at the troubadour. but then i realize i could never put into words what an amazing experience it was. i get discouraged from trying, because this event is one of those things that i let myself fully enjoy. i made the conscious decision to not take any pictures, video, or anything like that. i was there, physically and mentally. i wasn't living the concert through another medium. i was there, in every sense of the world. it felt nice. it was like one of those times you decide you're gonna live life instead of talking about it or capturing it through film (which is what most of my life is dedicated to).
just some highlights, not a play by play:
jenny's new song "clean break", which is inspired by one of my favourite dresden dolls songs "sex changes".
jenny and amanda sang my favourite jenny song "fuck was i" together.
the two amazing people also covered a true american classic entitled "complicated" complete with "your mom" jokes.
i love shores of california, but "missed me" has been stuck in my head ever since the concert.
and lastly, a billie jean cover that brought me to tears and sent chills down my spine.
trust me, it would be wise to watch the entire concert since this person taped it. it was brilliant. you can hear amanda read one of the stories from her book "who killed amanda palmer?" that her boyfriend neil gaiman wrote.
other mentionable moments:
-talking to a very drunk jenny owen youngs about how intense ucsb is and how we took back the night.
-meeting weird al. (OH YEAH!)
-giving beth much deserved sugar cookies and hugs and receiving a kiss.
-learning that very hungry neil gaiman, amanda palmer, and beth loved my cookies.
life is good.
every once in a while i feel compelled to write about the experience that was the jenny owen youngs/amanda palmer show at the troubadour. but then i realize i could never put into words what an amazing experience it was. i get discouraged from trying, because this event is one of those things that i let myself fully enjoy. i made the conscious decision to not take any pictures, video, or anything like that. i was there, physically and mentally. i wasn't living the concert through another medium. i was there, in every sense of the world. it felt nice. it was like one of those times you decide you're gonna live life instead of talking about it or capturing it through film (which is what most of my life is dedicated to).
just some highlights, not a play by play:
jenny's new song "clean break", which is inspired by one of my favourite dresden dolls songs "sex changes".
jenny and amanda sang my favourite jenny song "fuck was i" together.
the two amazing people also covered a true american classic entitled "complicated" complete with "your mom" jokes.
i love shores of california, but "missed me" has been stuck in my head ever since the concert.
and lastly, a billie jean cover that brought me to tears and sent chills down my spine.
trust me, it would be wise to watch the entire concert since this person taped it. it was brilliant. you can hear amanda read one of the stories from her book "who killed amanda palmer?" that her boyfriend neil gaiman wrote.
other mentionable moments:
-talking to a very drunk jenny owen youngs about how intense ucsb is and how we took back the night.
-meeting weird al. (OH YEAH!)
-giving beth much deserved sugar cookies and hugs and receiving a kiss.
-learning that very hungry neil gaiman, amanda palmer, and beth loved my cookies.
life is good.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
how sugar cookies and a lovely girl made my year.
so before i get to how thursday night was quite possibly one of the best experiences of my life, let me talk about how i got to be there and you know, how amazing beth hommel is.
around 8 months ago i wrote a blog about how beth's outlook on life and writing in her blog made me come to some realizations of my own. i adored this woman from afar, about how she could turn the worst situations in beautiful words and watched as she navigated through a new part of her life. i do this with a few bloggers. i read all their work and adore them and know much about their life, but i always forget to comment, or think i have nothing of substance to contribute to their lives/comment sections. however, after months of reading her blog i felt like i knew her, or at least the part of her life she allowed her blog readers to enter and comment on. i slightly envied her for the seemingly quick transition into the circus world known as the punk cabaret/amanda fucking palmer/dresden dolls world. anyways, when she joined twitter along with amanda, i somehow felt that i knew her enough to follow her and that she was well known enough in the community to not care that i was following her (i found the idea of "following" her, when i don't know her and she isn't technically famous, somewhat creepy).
anyways, i'll cut to this week. on monday i found out that my friend from college still wanted to go to the amanda show with me on thursday, so i had a ride. i was excited and thought in my mind, okay i'll buy the tickets tomorrow and we'll go. so i decided to be creepy and tell beth, who i found out was going to be merch girl, that i wanted to bring her something. i felt like i knew her, she knows how loving this community is, and this was my first time meeting her. she let me know that i didn't need to bring her anything but that she doesn't refuse sugar cookies. soon after i left to the store to buy two rolls of sugar cookie dough. i came back and talked to my other friend (the one i went to the ninja beach gathering with) and asked her if she was going to the show on thursday. she didn't know about it and looked up tickets and soon informed me they were sold out. i quickly freaked out and became sad. i then informed beth that i had planned to buy my tickets that night but they were sold out and i had already bought her cookie dough and that i was sorry. she quickly pm'ed and told me she could get me into the show and to e-mail. we e-mailed and she put me on the list for the troubadour. all because a stranger with love wanted to give her sugar cookies and hugs. all because in this island of "misfit toys" as she lovingly refers to us, we are generous, accepting, and beautiful. and that's how sugar cookies and a lovely girl made my year.
perhaps tomorrow i shall blog about the actual show that made my life.
around 8 months ago i wrote a blog about how beth's outlook on life and writing in her blog made me come to some realizations of my own. i adored this woman from afar, about how she could turn the worst situations in beautiful words and watched as she navigated through a new part of her life. i do this with a few bloggers. i read all their work and adore them and know much about their life, but i always forget to comment, or think i have nothing of substance to contribute to their lives/comment sections. however, after months of reading her blog i felt like i knew her, or at least the part of her life she allowed her blog readers to enter and comment on. i slightly envied her for the seemingly quick transition into the circus world known as the punk cabaret/amanda fucking palmer/dresden dolls world. anyways, when she joined twitter along with amanda, i somehow felt that i knew her enough to follow her and that she was well known enough in the community to not care that i was following her (i found the idea of "following" her, when i don't know her and she isn't technically famous, somewhat creepy).
anyways, i'll cut to this week. on monday i found out that my friend from college still wanted to go to the amanda show with me on thursday, so i had a ride. i was excited and thought in my mind, okay i'll buy the tickets tomorrow and we'll go. so i decided to be creepy and tell beth, who i found out was going to be merch girl, that i wanted to bring her something. i felt like i knew her, she knows how loving this community is, and this was my first time meeting her. she let me know that i didn't need to bring her anything but that she doesn't refuse sugar cookies. soon after i left to the store to buy two rolls of sugar cookie dough. i came back and talked to my other friend (the one i went to the ninja beach gathering with) and asked her if she was going to the show on thursday. she didn't know about it and looked up tickets and soon informed me they were sold out. i quickly freaked out and became sad. i then informed beth that i had planned to buy my tickets that night but they were sold out and i had already bought her cookie dough and that i was sorry. she quickly pm'ed and told me she could get me into the show and to e-mail. we e-mailed and she put me on the list for the troubadour. all because a stranger with love wanted to give her sugar cookies and hugs. all because in this island of "misfit toys" as she lovingly refers to us, we are generous, accepting, and beautiful. and that's how sugar cookies and a lovely girl made my year.
perhaps tomorrow i shall blog about the actual show that made my life.
Friday, June 26, 2009
loooooooove.
i had a fucking phenomenal night that i will blog about tomorrow.
in the mean time i will leave you with this crappy quality video that helps sum up my night:
in the mean time i will leave you with this crappy quality video that helps sum up my night:
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
i hung out with amanda palmer today.
a few days ago amanda announced on her twitter that she would be having a ninja party on the beach today. i, of course, leaped at the chance and found out my friend was planning to go too. her mom wanted to drive us though, but it was cool because her mom is, um, AMAZING.
so the plan for the beach party was to hang, some uke music, and a photo shoot. we were asked to come dressed in black and bring bright flowers. unfortunately my friend and i couldn't get there till 6 when it started at 4, but we got there just in time for the hour long photo shoot. i played dead and god, i hurt the crap out of my knee in my awkward position. little did i know amanda would end up lying next to me, and you know, end up naked for part of the shoot.
she's as amazing as you would think she would be. she radiates love, empowerment, and so many other things that just combine to make a lovely person.
so we did a photo shoot for an hour, while my friend's mom blew bubbles all over our dead bodies and naked amanda for the photos. then she signed things, hugged people, got kisses, and loved everyone. hopefully i'll post the pictures when they're released. also, if things work out right i will be blogging soon about how fucking awesome beth, her assistant, is.
so the plan for the beach party was to hang, some uke music, and a photo shoot. we were asked to come dressed in black and bring bright flowers. unfortunately my friend and i couldn't get there till 6 when it started at 4, but we got there just in time for the hour long photo shoot. i played dead and god, i hurt the crap out of my knee in my awkward position. little did i know amanda would end up lying next to me, and you know, end up naked for part of the shoot.
she's as amazing as you would think she would be. she radiates love, empowerment, and so many other things that just combine to make a lovely person.
so we did a photo shoot for an hour, while my friend's mom blew bubbles all over our dead bodies and naked amanda for the photos. then she signed things, hugged people, got kisses, and loved everyone. hopefully i'll post the pictures when they're released. also, if things work out right i will be blogging soon about how fucking awesome beth, her assistant, is.
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