Thursday, November 27, 2008

I am thankful.

Now that Thanksgiving is over, I can tell you all what I'm thankful for because we should say it more than just one day a year. I'm thankful for everything in my life. From the great to the shit to the horrific to the amazing. I'm thankful for friends that I have never met face to face but are probably the only reason I haven't had a nervous breakdown. I'm thankful for the best friend that was sitting there with me when I got the news my mom has breast cancer and somehow intuitively knew that giving me the "I'm sorry, I'm gonna look at you like you're fragile and pity you" look was not the right thing do. I'm thankful my mom is as strong as she is, but wish she would let me take over the strong facade once in a while. I'm thankful for a big sister who is the main reason I am sane and happy. I'm thankful for being allowed to live in Santa Barbara, where the atmosphere is far less poisonous (metaphorically speaking). I'm thankful for books, for everything they've done for me. From providing an escape to giving me some of the most meaningful people and thought provoking ideas I would otherwise never have encountered. I'm thankful for music, which provides me an outlet to write, it inspired everything I am typing right now. I'm thankful for whoever or whatever handed me the cards I've been dealt and put enough trust in me to make do and not fuck up. I am thankful for Shey and Erin who still read this blog and I have absolutely no idea why. I'm thankful I have understanding TA's who realize that school is the last thing on my mind right now. I'm thankful that after everything I've been through I'm still levelheaded enough to know that I have so many things to be thankful for.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

The points.

I'm sitting alone in my room just aim chatting with Gum and all of a sudden someone upstairs starts blasting "The Good that Won't Come Out" into the courtyard/lawn. It's like someone knew I was building up emotions and played my song to help release them. But I only teared up a bit. Not much. I felt far more frazzled like, "Who knows what I'm going through?" "Why would they play that song OF ALL SONGS?" I've seriously felt that interconnectedness in the world these days. It's astounding.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Oh bother.

and lastly you're all alone with nothing left but sleep,
but sleep never comes to you, it's the guilt and forever wakefulness of the weak.
it's just you and me...


my room glows blue
i refuse to turn on lights
it keeps me peaceful
it keeps me calm
till that damn phone rings.

Saturday, November 1, 2008


I wonder how my parents would feel if they knew last night I slept over my friend's apartment after excessive drinking. Oh and I met this friend on Myspace, when I was 15. Ha. I know it sounds weird but it isn't.

OH. Big thanks to Amy for giving me clothes so I didn't have to do the walk of shame (minus the sex part) in my costume, back to my dorm. Got home at 3 p.m. by the way.
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