start over again.

i want to throw up and cry and just rid my body of the last week. i just need to get rid of all the yucky feelings. i need a full on catharsis. i wanna jump in the ocean. i wanna wash everything away.

weird place.

i'm in one of those weird places now. there are too many thoughts up in my head and too many ideas. when i'm given too many options or ideas i become overloaded and just shut down and don't want to do anything. i'm usually a take things as they come person, but i do plan ahead a lot. i compartmentalize in my brain what is now and what is later. i worry about what i need to do NOW, save the other stuff for later. but i feel like my compartments are broken and are just spilling over into each other. how do i fix that? i need to start doing yoga. maybe a list? this is for me, i'm boring so don't worry about it. also, the fact that i am completely and utterly broke in every sense of the word and just threw away most of my food cos it's moldy may be a huge problem. food=love; lack of food=headache withdrawals

-midterm this friday-math
-lines for theatre
-finals week-art history/math
-final paper-fem
-read for self
-plans for this weekend
-spring break plans?
-disneyland is much needed at this point
-birthday plans?
-somehow acquire money, eat food.

i feel at this point it's because everything's hitting me at once and needs immediate attention? if it were just finals and too many options for spring break i would be fine dealing with it, but add to the fact that i don't have food and don't know when i will. well. it's hard to focus on the other stuff.

memory lane.

so i was looking through some old stuff on the internet and i came upon the guy i liked in high school. i was a freshman when he was a senior. he had a girlfriend yet flirted with me incessantly and i let him. his girlfriend hated me. he told me he wanted to take me to the prom but he had a girlfriend. weird shit.
so he graduated and i didn't talk to him after that. about a year later i found out he was dating someone else and soon after, married her! hahahaha. that was so weird.
now i've looked him up again and he's divorced. BAHAHAHA. why is that so funny? i'm terrible.
and even though i don't care about looks or weight and i hate using the word fat, he's definitely put on the pounds since high school. like, WHOA. sorry, i'm gonna die in my sleep now cos i'm a terrible person. hehehe.