ugly feelings and thoughts

i found myself lately having ugly feelings and thoughts
and i remember that i was not always this pleasant, i think
that this is something i have to work at every day, everyone does
i've been such a happy person for so much of my time for so long that i forgot what it's like to be consumed by an ugly feeling
it's not fun
it's not nice
it's not something i want to continue
but then i appreciate its existence, i remember how amazing it is that it only comes once in a while
when something's worth it
although not justified
if that makes sense
good night.