The dream story.

About a week or two ago I was having a conversation with two of my friends where one of them was telling me about a dream they had. As she was telling me about her dream I realized that whenever these girls tell me about the dreams they have, they are, dare I say it, happy dreams. They are dreams where the girls get everything they've been wanting lately. Started crushing on a boy lately? Hook up with him in a dream. Been wanting to go to Disneyland? Ride Space Mountain in your dreams.

So I interrupted this dream telling and said "WAIT. Do you guys have dreams where you get EVERYTHING you want?" I asked this very incredulously. I had never heard of people having dreams where they get everything they want, or if I did I chose to ignore them because it saddens me. Then they answered "Well, yeah." I was kinda surprised. I mean, I thought that's what daydreams are for. You have control over those. I always get what I want in daydreams, but in real dreams? Never. I told them "You don't have dreams where you kinda get what you want, but it's half-assed and something always screws it up?" And they're like "Uh...no." I thought it over to myself and I was like, is it just me? Am I that screwed up? So I said out loud, not thinking, "Oh, it's probably cos I'm self-destructive. I even fuck up my dreams." They kinda laughed at me at my semi-serious remark. I don't think they really understood what I meant. I think they associate self-destruction with space movies. Like, when you press the wrong button on a space craft and a soothing female voice tells you "Spacecraft will self destruct in 5...4..." (Seriously, why would you have that button?!)

The truth is, I had never had a dream where I got what I want. I remember when I was severely obsessed with Edward Cullen I finally had a dream about him months later and all I got to do was watch him make out with Bella. Even my dream self was like "REALLY? It's MY dream and I have to watch him make out with BELLA?!" It was actually pretty sad.

So last Friday I was at home listening to Death Cab at 2 in the morning. Let's just say that listening to Death Cab alone in the dead of night isn't the most motivating thing to do. I somewhat fell into a slump and might have cried a little. (I mean, have you seen the animated video for "Grapevine Fires"?! It's DEPRESSING) So I went to sleep and...I dreamt that I got what I wanted. I got it and I kept quiet the entire time because even dream self knew that if I talked I would fuck it up. (Dream self took a note from real self. DON'T BE SELF DESTRUCTIVE IN DREAMS) I got what I wanted and it was sweet. Also, it was PG. I know where your pervy minds are going.

Then I realized why I should be self destructive in dreams. It hurt too much when I woke up.

Reminder to self:

Blog later about the dream I had last night.

In my dreams...

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night feeling like I'd walked through the desert for 13 days on end, screaming until my voice was no more. Yelling for death to come. For hell to come. For something to come. I ran down my ladder from the bed and frantically grabbed a water bottle from my above storage. I literally drank the whole thing without stopping so much that it poured down the front of my shirt. I don't know what was wrong, what was going on in my dreams, but it was scary.