I didn't fuck it up!

Yay! At least, I don't think I fucked it up. There was hugging at the end, that's a good sign right?

My mommyyy.

I talked to my mom and they gave her the first bag but couldn't find her veins after. They can never find her veins and just UGH. I HATE INCOMPETENCE. They always do this to my mom. Right before her surgery they took blood and she still has the bruise cos they couldn't find her vein. So she goes back on Monday to try again, ugh.

Win.

I don't feel the need to write on my hands. The shirt says it all.

Legalize Gay Repeal Prop 8 Now
Shelana gives the best presents.

Errr.

My mum was suppose to start chemo today and I was extremely upset that I couldn't go, but she text me earlier saying they didn't give her chemo today and she'd call me later to tell me why. I'm scared, I hope it's nothing even worse.

Sometimes the world is not enough.

Can I stop being cheesy and sentimental now? I'm sick of this shit, it was never me. I'm not into that.

In other news tomorrow is gonna be shit, oh man.

To my past.

I don't wanna go to class.

It took me a week to finish another book. That is unacceptable.

1. Uglies-Scott Westerfeld
2. Pretties-Scott Westerfeld
3. Specials-Scott Westerfeld
4. Go Ask Alice-Anonymous
5. Girl at Sea-Maureen Johnson
6. The Perks of Being A Wallflower-Stephen Chbosky
7. Extras-Scott Westerfeld

Readinggg.

I think the whole not reading thing has made me less of a blogger. Reading compels me to write. It stirs ideas and words in me. I'm reading again.

This is getting out of hand.

I need to start reading again. NOW.

Happy Saturdayyy (I know it's Sunday)

Once my friend leaves tomorrow I think I can get back into reading and blogging a lot more properly. Yay.

Pictureeee.

The daily picture will be late tonight, but it will be here. I promise.

So much fun.

I just spent all day with my friends Lauren and Nicole and we just had a BLAST. We did a fake audition video for Lauren for the New Moon movie and we just had so many bloopers. This is how it went...

That's alright Mama, that's alright with me.

there's beauty in the breakdown.
-Frou Frou "Let Go"

Rain, rain, never go away.

The rain is having the opposite affect on me than what it's supposed to. Isn't the rain supposed to be depressing and make me moody? It's making me quite happy and I haven't been this lively in about two weeks. Yay!

Whoosh.

I'm reading Extras and it's raining and my friend is here and all is right with the world. I don't know, it just feels right.


Happiness is a warm gun.
-The Beatles "Happiness is a Warm Gun"

Whoa, shit.

Until this very moment I forgot I have to make a video today. Oy vey. I just wanted to curl up on my bed and read in this delightful rain. I guess I'll have to make a video first.

I can do The Frug.

i cannot fall in love.
-Rilo Kiley "The Frug"

Burn.

I finally saw Burn After Reading last night and I thought it was effing hilarious. So hilarious in fact that I needed to get a Burn After Reading flashdrive.


(I won it for free if you're wondering. I didn't actually spend money on it. The movie was free too so I didn't spend money on anything! Yay!)

Last night at 12 my friend Aaron text me to go to the formal lounge, so I went and I got hooked into helping advertise for a meeting we're having tonight at 7. I'm actually extremely glad he asked me to go because it was an amazing experience. We went all over the building covering windows and mirrors and doors with newspapers and advertising the meeting by writing on it. While in the formal lounge they were working on their own special thing. The program is called Target and it's about stopping hate within the residence halls, so in the formal lounge we basically sat there and thought up the most offensive words you could call people and we put them up all over the place. It's funny that some of these words are my favourite to say (cunt, bitch, fuck) and I've also been called about half of them (whore, slut, bitch, puta). It was a bit surreal to see all those words together, because when you see them all together you think, they're just words. It's like when you repeat a word over and over again and it loses all meaning. But then you realize all the hate and shit that comes with each word and realize they are so powerful.


cunt

trash



mudblood




i am a target.

Commitment.

I went to Borders today with Nicole (no, not myself, my friend Nicole) and I bought The Bermudez Triangle by Maureen Johnson and Crank by I don't know, some person. They're really popular at the moment apparently. I want to make a list later of books I need and/or want so leave suggestions in the comments because I've actually been buying lots of books so I might buy the one you suggest, yay!


i keep a close watch on this heart of mine.
-Johnny Cash "Walk the Line"

I love reading.

1. Uglies-Scott Westerfeld
2. Pretties-Scott Westerfeld
3. Specials-Scott Westerfeld
4. Go Ask Alice-Anonymous
5. Girl at Sea-Maureen Johnson
6. The Perks of Being A Wallflower-Stephen Chbosky

Booooks.

I love the books I've been reading, Perks and Alice are already in my favourites. Love.

Because I know Gum enjoys these so much...

come together
-The Beatles "Come Together"

Please.

I'm so confused about life, but it's a good confused. I feel like I'm suppose to be confused but I'm also sad because I think it's a confusion not a lot of people understand, or at least not a lot of the people I am surrounded by understand. I want to be able to talk to someone about what they want out of life beyond asking "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Do people still ask that question? I've always found it ridiculous and answered much to their chagrin "Me". I want to tell someone "Life is beautiful" and discuss with me why it is, or at least not laugh in my face. I feel like no one around me is grasping the complexities of life, or at least won't talk about it. Maybe people do, but they don't talk about it because apparently being lost and confused is a bad thing. I wish they wouldn't. I wish they would talk to me. I wish we could be lost together. Please be lost with me.

You're gonna carry that weight.

I just went to brush my teeth, and as I cupped water in my hands to wash out my mouth, the quote on my hands "the love you take is equal to the love you make" started washing away a bit from my hands. I washed out my mouth with love. I don't know why that's beautiful but I think it is.

In the end...

I am knee-deep in The Perks of Being A Wallflower and it's as fantastic as everyone's always said. Normally I HATE references to The Catcher in the Rye or Holden Caulfield. Every new, different, or edgy book uses that reference. Just because it's a book about teens DOES NOT MEAN THE AUTHOR IS THE NEW SALINGER. That being said, this is one of those very rare and few books (and by rare and few I mean the only) that merits that comparison. It is Salingeresque with some Holden mannerisms while holding its own instead of trying to be a rip off of his work. I love it so far.

Earlier tonight my mom wanted to get out of the house so we decided to go to the movies. She chose Marley & Me and oh gosh. It was a fantastic idea to see that movie while simultaneously THE WORST IDEA EVER. I hadn't cried that hard in such a long time. My eyes got red and puffy and swollen. I had to stifle my sobs which subsequently sounded like choking. I don't know if you guys know this, most of the people reading this met me after the fact, but I used to have a dog. He was the most wonderful, loving, playful, AMAZING dog in the world. His name was Oliver and I had him since the day I was born till I was 16. I loved him with all my heart and he will forever be my first pet. At the end of the movie when Marley was going I remembered it all. That's exactly how Oliver was, he couldn't even move and his hearing was going. I think I was the only one besides my Dad who got to say bye to him. The day my Dad took him in to be put down I went out and talked to him and pet him and cried with him and said goodbye. He was fantastic and nobody could ever take his place in my heart. He was a big mutt, primarily German Shepard and was better than anything I could ever ask for. He was a better companion than most people. I don't tend to get emotional over people, but show me an animal in distress and I completely lose it. The movie helped me remember Oliver and it was nice to remember him, even if it brought up those painfully sad last few months together. Goddamn these cycles of life, but life is beautiful and I think even Oliver knew that.


the love you take is equal to the love you make.
-The Beatles "The End"

75 books update.

1. Uglies-Scott Westerfeld
2. Pretties-Scott Westerfeld
3. Specials-Scott Westerfeld
4. Go Ask Alice-Anonymous
5. Girl at Sea-Maureen Johnson

When I have nothing left to say...

I actually wrote a post, but blogger deleted it. Considering the content, go figure.

I love the whole one picture a day idea. I doubt I'll be doing quotes on my hands the whole time, but we'll see how it goes. I've done one of these blog challenges before, and when you're forced to write and blog every day, sometimes you just don't have anything to say. Hopefully instead it will force you to write something you never thought to write or want to write. Hopefully it'll force you to LOOK for something to write about, something that might not have occurred to you before. I'm wishing for the latter to happen more often but I can always fall back on something...



comfortably numb.
Pink Floyd- "Comfortably Numb"

Home.

I'm home for the weekend. It feels really nice. I also love being surrounded by kitties again. There is one sitting between my legs as I type this. Love.



i'm getting smaller by degrees.
-Amanda Palmer "Another Year: A Short History of Almost Something"

Seriously?

The fire alarms just went off. Are you kidding me? Potheads need to learn the textbook concept of OPENING THE WINDOWS. Luckily I wasn't sleeping, my friends and I were watching Harry Potter. We were 20 minutes from the end, but seriously, if I had been sleeping I would have thrown a bitch fit. Seriously guys, open a window and invest in a fan.

Shut me off.

I'm currently reading Girl at Sea by Maureen Johnson and I think it will cheer me up. It's good already and I can't wait to keep reading.

I'm still shut off, I can feel it in my bones. It's an odd feeling, I quite like it. I wonder if this is what doing drugs is like although I never want to find out firsthand.

I wonder what I did in a past life or this life in which I deserved such great friends. Gum has been my rock for the last day and a half, and well, I guess I really needed it. (Gum is totally her real name, by the way.) I've been more honest with her than I think I've ever been with anyone. It's quite scary really but it's also relieving.

Also, I think I've found my new daily thing. Well, by daily I mean when I have my computer and internet access.



i will follow you into the dark...
-Death Cab for Cutie "I Will Follow You Into the Dark"

What a way to start off this contest...

Sorry to scare anyone who's been reading the last few posts. I've just turned myself off for a while. I don't know how long it will last, but I need this. I'm not a shell of a person, but I'm not "on". I'm not super crazy, hyperactive, funny and all that shit. So if that's why you're friends with me I would suggest staying away for a few weeks cos it's not happening. Don't mean to scare, I'm not contemplating suicide or any crap like that, I just need to indulge in a depression/falling apart for a while. Leave me be.

Fall together.

I'm starting to fall apart. To be honest, I don't know if I want to be put back together.



I must not tell lies.
-Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Love of mine...

I don't know what's going on anymore. I think I'm sick of being "on" all the time. My body is forcing myself to shut down.

Gosh.

I'm kinda wishing I hadn't read Go Ask Alice at the moment. It's kinda fucked with me.

Go Ask Alice.

I just finished Go Ask Alice and God, how utterly depressing it is. It's put me in somewhat of a foul mood. I'm all confused inside and just argh.

What?

Another blogging contest starts tomorrow? So I'm gonna revamp my blog tonight? You know it.

Vicky Cristina Barcelona

I just saw Vicky Cristina Barcelona and I have come to the conclusion that I would let Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem do whatever they want with me. I'll explain why I love the movie tomorrow (it really has nothing to do with them, I swear).

Seriously.

I really wish boys weren't SO SCARED of how comfortable I am with my sexuality. Oh gosh.

Simnala!

Lauren went home today. She stayed with me this weekend and I don't know, it was just so effortless. She walked in and I kinda felt like she belonged here, like we'd been living together forever. Sigh. I miss her. I also miss Nicole who lives super close but I don't see her too often. This weekend has been amazing and I can't wait for many more to come.

Also, we all went to Borders and I bought three books to fuel my 75 books challenge. Right now I'm reading Go Ask Alice cos surprisingly, I've never read it. Go me! Suggestions are appreciated because I will actually go out and buy them this time, yay!

Challenge!

I want to read 75 books this year. I tried to do 50 last year and failed miserably, so I upped the stakes this year. I'm not into resolutions and shit but this is something I just wanna do. It's not cos it's a new year or anything, I just want to. I can read books I've read before but re-reads within the year don't count. So, I can't like, read the Harry Potter series 11 times and call it quits. I better do this shit.

1. Uglies-Scott Westerfeld
2. Pretties-Scott Westerfeld
3. Specials-Scott Westerfeld
4. Go Ask Alice-Anonymous