because i like to just steal from amanda.

this is so fucking beautiful.
and i want to direct it to shey:

“life will break you.
nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearnings.
you have to love.
you have to feel.
it is the reason you are here on earth.
you are here to risk your heart.
you are here to be swallowed up.
and when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt,
or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree
and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness.
tell yourself that you tasted as many as you could.”
- louise erdrich, the painted drum, p. 247

how sugar cookies and a lovely girl made my year.

so before i get to how thursday night was quite possibly one of the best experiences of my life, let me talk about how i got to be there and you know, how amazing beth hommel is.

around 8 months ago i wrote a blog about how beth's outlook on life and writing in her blog made me come to some realizations of my own. i adored this woman from afar, about how she could turn the worst situations in beautiful words and watched as she navigated through a new part of her life. i do this with a few bloggers. i read all their work and adore them and know much about their life, but i always forget to comment, or think i have nothing of substance to contribute to their lives/comment sections. however, after months of reading her blog i felt like i knew her, or at least the part of her life she allowed her blog readers to enter and comment on. i slightly envied her for the seemingly quick transition into the circus world known as the punk cabaret/amanda fucking palmer/dresden dolls world. anyways, when she joined twitter along with amanda, i somehow felt that i knew her enough to follow her and that she was well known enough in the community to not care that i was following her (i found the idea of "following" her, when i don't know her and she isn't technically famous, somewhat creepy).

anyways, i'll cut to this week. on monday i found out that my friend from college still wanted to go to the amanda show with me on thursday, so i had a ride. i was excited and thought in my mind, okay i'll buy the tickets tomorrow and we'll go. so i decided to be creepy and tell beth, who i found out was going to be merch girl, that i wanted to bring her something. i felt like i knew her, she knows how loving this community is, and this was my first time meeting her. she let me know that i didn't need to bring her anything but that she doesn't refuse sugar cookies. soon after i left to the store to buy two rolls of sugar cookie dough. i came back and talked to my other friend (the one i went to the ninja beach gathering with) and asked her if she was going to the show on thursday. she didn't know about it and looked up tickets and soon informed me they were sold out. i quickly freaked out and became sad. i then informed beth that i had planned to buy my tickets that night but they were sold out and i had already bought her cookie dough and that i was sorry. she quickly pm'ed and told me she could get me into the show and to e-mail. we e-mailed and she put me on the list for the troubadour. all because a stranger with love wanted to give her sugar cookies and hugs. all because in this island of "misfit toys" as she lovingly refers to us, we are generous, accepting, and beautiful. and that's how sugar cookies and a lovely girl made my year.
perhaps tomorrow i shall blog about the actual show that made my life.

loooooooove.

i had a fucking phenomenal night that i will blog about tomorrow.
in the mean time i will leave you with this crappy quality video that helps sum up my night:

I always wanted to be a Tenenbaum, you know.

I just watched The Royal Tenenbaums with my friend Rachel who had never seen it before. It's so nice watching your second favourite movie with someone who's never seen it before. It's like seeing it through someone else's eyes. Especially when you know they are the kind of person who could appreciate the movie. I just fell in love with it all over again and remembered why it's so amazing.<3

Lovely.

I saw Rachel Getting Married last night and it was fucking fantastic. It was just, ugh. Beautiful. Beautiful and harsh and lovely and horrible.

Now I'm watching the Jon Stewart/Jim Cramer interview finally and oh shit.